I wasn’t sure when to announce this. Honestly, I thought about it a long time – whether to wait longer or just not say anything at all.
But, then I decided that perhaps it’s time. I need lots of strength and support. I’ve been relying on some wonderful people during the past few weeks, but I feel like there are lots of other people who might want to give me strength too.
So, here’s a big leap for me.
I am 12 weeks pregnant.
I guess this is considered a “rainbow pregnancy” – which will hopefully result in a healthy “rainbow baby.” A rainbow baby is one born after having a miscarriage.
Last year, I had a miscarriage. Then, in February I was treated for an ectopic with a healing time that ended up lasting quite a lot longer than I expected. I’ve written about these experiences but I’m holding on to releasing them until I feel ready. But what I want you to know right now is that I am truly grateful and thankful for these experiences and I am not sad. I’ve not lost but instead I gained so much, including strength and love.
The difficult thing about being pregnant after going through miscarriages (which, also I really hate that term. It really seems to imply that the woman did something wrong, whereas the truth is that miscarriage is usually caused by chromosomal anomalies and there’s nothing you can do. And it happens to so many women! But I digress.) is that there’s a lot of fear. Because I didn’t get a chance to get anything analyzed I didn’t know what happened. Plus, deep down I knew that what I did wouldn’t matter if a miscarriage was meant to happen but I wanted the illusion of somehow having control. Being pregnant after miscarriage is a fearful hope. I want to look forward to the future, but I don’t know what the future will hold. Because I know that things can change in an instant.
The past few weeks of “tsuwari” or morning sickness were so awful. Exhaustion, food aversions, mood swings, anxiety… Oh, and we are in the midst of a pandemic too? These past few weeks were NOT always easy. But I am thankful to my wonderful Yoshi, family, and friends who helped support me to make it through.
And not to worry – there truly have been many wonderful, bright moments too. (If you know me, you know I am usually more upbeat than not! So I promise I wasn’t a huge moping exhausted mess the whole time!)
On Saturday I had my 12 week scan. Our new little friend is doing well, developing normally, and is super active and twisting and somersaulting and waving its arms like it just don’t care. Well, I mean I don’t think the proper brain cells are developed yet to not even care but at my 8 week scan our little friend looked like it was doing a dj hand wave so maybe?
I’m not gonna do a cute announcement. As someone who experienced prior issues with pregnancy, this isn’t how I am choosing to tell everyone.
Instead, I want you to celebrate this milestone with us. We’ve made it to 12 weeks!!! To me, it’s absolutely amazing.
So please, celebrate with Yoshi and me and what we have now!
I’ll report in time to time with updates, hopefully good and happy progress ones.
Thanks in advance for your love and support. I will do my best to work hard on being relaxed, healthy, and helping our new little friend grow!