2021

It’s the New Year! Wishing everyone lots of luck this year and the hopes that things will get better. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

I started out this morning with motivation, armed with a “flexible, moveable schedule” – one that I’m not locked into, but that gives me a timeline to get lots of work done. It’s the first time I’ve tried something like this and it’s my own invention. Well, I’m sure it was inspired by something I encountered in the past but I want to feel nice so I’ll say it was my idea. Plus, I forgot where it possibly might have come from!

But – that little thing called “the brain” keeps wanting to pop in with anxiety, doubts, fears… Yoshi is back to work today and I’m back to being more isolated again. Cases are getting worse and I don’t want to risk my friends health as well as the health of our new little friend and well, me too (I already spent 3 weeks last year stuck in a hospital, I don’t want to do that again until our little friend is healthy and ready to be with us! At the appropriate time. And I don’t want anyone else to have to be stuck in the hospital either!!!). I’ll go out and do my limited shopping and work, but mostly I’ll be at home (having one sided conversations with our little friend). Thankful for those who help keep me sane during this crazy time (and feeling sorry for them that they have to deal with this isolated, hormonal, and boring pregnant version of me! But I’ll continue to be selfish and take their time! They love me, which I am forever glad for that love).

I actually told a dear friend about my fears and worries and but also hating to annoy and bother people (even though I know it’s not accurate, the brain and the hormones are conspiring against me… so I reached out for help) and even now she’s sending me funny pictures and cute pictures and awesome things. E, thank you so much for being you and I’m giving you a shoutout because you are awesome and amazing!

Let this be your reminder – we can’t always do this alone. And it’s okay to get help, reassurance, love… There are lots of people that love you and want to help you. And if you are very very lucky, they’ll also send you silly and goofy and funny memes and cute kitty pictures and happy cows and then make you cry from the love too.

I’m already feeling more motivated and recharged – so here’s to trying and failing and trying and keeping on going – no matter how fast or slow!!!

Here goes this turtle!

Good luck in 2021!!!