I’m officially over the halfway mark! In fact, I’m almost to 22 weeks.
There’s been movement – I’m pretty sure. It feels, well, like something’s in my stomach. Sometimes it feels like a little fish swimming about. Sometimes it’s a roller coaster drop feeling (that’s super fun when driving!). In fact, I THINK I’ve felt something on the outside too, but I’m not confident.
We’ve got another appointment coming up next week. Appointments are scary – not because I’m worried about the doctor (I love my new doctor, she’s amazing), I’m just worried what they might find. I always give myself a prep talk on the car ride to the appointment. But – at this point my worries seem to be the same worries that other friends have told me they had, so I feel much more normal now. In my own particular way.
But – with feeling movement – my hopes are rising. My excitement is rising. I want to be excited!
I sometimes feel a little sad though. We don’t have any family close by and we can’t go see them. They can’t come see us. Since my friends in my city live over half an hour away and I don’t drive that far alone these days – plus I don’t go out to restaurants – I rarely see any other people except my behind the counter friends at my takeout places and grocery store. So many little milestones I’m excited about I can’t share so well. And sometimes when I try, I feel like with everything going sometimes other people aren’t enthusiastic and then I wonder if maybe because I was too scared in the beginning that either people misunderstood me or are just “babied” out or just so tired from the state of the world and everything that I shouldn’t burden them further. So, sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn’t share.
Luckily, there are some people who get MORE excited than even me and every time that happens I feel a huge burst of joy that makes me want to cry. In fact, a friend recently (who I DID get to see in person from 6 feet away and masked up and luckily had driven out my way for something not related so it worked out perfectly) was so excited she started helping me look at baby names. It truly felt like the first time I got to do “normal” baby things with friends – as opposed to talking about my fears (or trying to subdue talking about my fears because people get tired of that too). I just felt normal! Like it’s a normal pregnancy! Because guess what – so far it has been!! Looking back now, it’s been normal!
It’s so nice to say that it feels like I am having a normal pregnancy now.
That’s not to say things can’t change. Because they can. And they do. I know this.
BUT for this moment, for this RIGHT NOW it’s a normal pregnancy! I’m going to celebrate this moment! We’ll worry about next week, and the next and next and next as they come up.
Now, if you excuse me, I’m off to go look at adorable baby toys – online.
*In America, the legal drinking age is 21 years. But while I am of legal drinking age (plus a few), being 21 weeks pregnant I can’t have alcohol!